Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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