I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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