I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she told me i tasted like america
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
