I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
