I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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