I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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