After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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