I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
