I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
