How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
