The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
