arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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