she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize