i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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