my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
