there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
