i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
foreskin is a definite game changer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
