rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
