apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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