My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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