but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
