Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
