Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize