Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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