I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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