Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
