Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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