I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
