why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
