I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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