I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
