So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
