All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
