im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
