hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
