Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
