So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
