When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
