dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
