Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
