can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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