I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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