I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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