Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
