Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
