we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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