Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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