I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
