Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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