Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
