I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
