Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
