I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I touched a dick in church today
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
