i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
