And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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