I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he was CRYING into my vagina
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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