Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
