'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I looked at my own cervix.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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