He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
