I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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