I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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