I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
