Four minutes until I can fart!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you.
Bad choice
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
