I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
