OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
