Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
