Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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