I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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