Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
